Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
