Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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