It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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