i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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