He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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