does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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