i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
