if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
