If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
