you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
