Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
