I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
