I just pynch a tree in the face
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
