Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
