wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
