I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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