I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
