i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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