I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
