How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
