I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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