Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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