haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
