ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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