I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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