im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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