so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
