11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
