it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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