Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
