you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
