Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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