I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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