Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
