My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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