There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
