ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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