I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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