he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
