Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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