At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
