It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
