it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
