i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
