He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
