I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
