I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
