omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
