It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
