haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
