This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
